Misguided Angel

I spent today keeping busy, but tonight I'm just trying to find that still silent place down deep inside, the place where I stop caring about what goes on outside and can be at peace with myself.

This is the place, deep within, where I cease to be the product of my abusive childhood, the place that is whole, not beaten down by my father's anger or my mother's shame or my brother's urges.

I wonder, when I grow old, what will I be to my own children? Will they hate me like I hate my mother? I think I am trying harder than my mother did to break the cycle. I want to believe that. I want to think I'm not as blind as she is.

I said "Mama, he’s crazy and he scares me
But I want him by my side
Though he’s wild and he’s bad
And sometimes just plain mad
I need him to keep me satisfied"

I said "Papa, don’t cry cause it’s alright
And I see you in some of his ways
Though he might not give me the life that you wanted,
I’ll love him the rest of my days"

Misguided angel hanging over me
Heart like a Gabriel, pure and white as ivory
Soul like a Lucifer, black and cold like a piece of lead
Misguided angel, love you ’til I’m dead

I said "Brother, you speak to me of passion
You said never to settle for nothing less
Well, it’s in the way he walks,
It’s in the way he talks
His smile, his anger and his kisses"

Misguided angel hangin’ over me
Heart like a Gabriel, pure and white as ivory
Soul like a Lucifer
Black and cold like a piece of lead
Misguided angel, love you ’til I’m dead