Mother

I know I said I was going to go dredging in the depths of my contaminated soul, but I can't right now. It's all I can do just to hang onto my sanity, without going down that road as well. I'm feeling really touchy and pissed off at the world today. It's probably just PMS.

Not having a family- not having parents who I know will love me and stand by me no matter what- is a pain that I'm never going to get over. It hurts to despise the people who created you. If they are such monsters, and they made me, then what am I? How can I ever be better than they are, if all my genetic material came from them?

I hate them both, my mom and my dad. The main reason I don't have a relationship with them is because they turned their backs on me when I needed them desperately. And it wasn't just once- it happened over and over again, beginning when I was a helpless baby, and ending on the day that I told my mother to go to hell about six months ago, when I asked her for emotional support and she told me flat out that she is too busy with her career to have time to care about my problems.

She can't hurt me anymore, but not having a mother in my life hurts so much, so in that way, she's still hurting me even today.

Enough of that. I'll go into details later, because I know I have to face it if I want to heal. But that's enough for today.

Hush, my baby. Baby, don't you cry.
Momma's gonna make all of your nightmares come true.
Momma's gonna put all of her fears into you.
Momma's gonna keep you right here under her wing.
She won't let you fly, but she might let you sing.
Momma's gonna keep Baby cozy and warm.
Of course Momma's gonna help build a wall...