Moment of Clarity

I have had a moment of clarity that is absolutely stunning.

I have realized that I can do nothing which is even mildly addictive without becoming desperately hooked.

My doctor prescribed me some lovely little tranquilizers a couple of weeks ago. I ran out of them three days ago, and now I am absolutely a mess. A complete and total fucked up, drug withdrawing mess. I don't understand how it could possibly have happened so quickly, but it happened. Again.

All I know is that this has got to stop. I am an addict. A junkie. Not just because of the two weeks on tranqs, but because of all my years of abusing drugs, of dropping one addiction and diving straight into the next one, from smoking joints behind the gym in high school, to shooting up speed in a cheap hotel room a few years back, to taking those sweet little Ativan that the doctor thought might help me to pull myself together not even a month ago.

If I continue down this road I will wind up either dead or insane. It has to stop right here and now.