I am supposed to be a happy housewife. I do love my life, for the most part- don't get me wrong- but something is missing. Something big. I don't really believe in soul-mates, because I've been in too many relationships where my partner claimed that I was his soul mate, but that never stopped anyone from leaving me in the end.
But I am lonely. And something is missing from my life. I miss having someone who adores me as much as I adore them. I miss being thought of as sexy. I miss being wooed.
Why can't I rid myself of the idea that I deserve to have true passion in my life? My husband did remember Valentine's day. He bought me a fifty-cent Galaxy bar as a gift, and a single carnation that they gave him for free at the supermarket. What am I complaining about? I don't care that he didn't spend a lot of money. I complain because, like most days, he didn't kiss me even once yesterday. He certainly did not hug me or hold me or touch me or say "I love you".
I'm still young enough to want these things. I'm still young enough to be unable to bear the idea that I must give them up forever.
"If affection holds you back
Then what is left to hold
If I could find the answer to that question
then I'd know
The thoughts that clutter up your mind
And leave me feeling drained
And walking pacing up the walls
Across the floor again
All the things I haven't seen
Once the final curtain has been raised
The act we act is wearing thin
The act we act is under my skin"
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ShadowX, I have spoken about this to my husband on many occasions. He listens- or acts like he is listening- but it never changes anything. He claims that cultural differences are at play, since we were born in different countries. I'm not so sure that it's true, but I know it makes him uncomfortable to touch me affectionately or to say "I love you", so he won't do it, no matter how often I ask him to.
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