Too much too soon

I keep coming back to this blog, I have more to say, words that want to spill out like blood. There is so much that I have kept inside myself, so much I need to share. But I hesitate to tell these stories, I am afraid they'll bring my demons too close to the surface. My most powerful memories are the most painful, they are still white-hot inside me and I'm afraid if I let those words flow they will burn me.

But that's what we're here for, right? Tell the dirty ones, Miss, tell the ones that will shock us the most.

No...Tonight I think I'll keep it somewhat tame. I'll tell you a few tidbits... The stupid shit, like huffing liquid paper in my college dorm room, or sniffing from a bottle of poppers in the back row of my high school English class, or the time another female friend and I walked down our town's most well-known "meat street" while weaning leather miniskirts and high heels. Someone offered us a ride, and we hopped right into his car- he said "How much" and we just laughed like a couple of loons. "No, dude, we're just going down to that biker bar and we needed a lift, my daddy works over there and if we don't show up in ten minutes he'll be out looking for our asses, so pleeease will you take us out there?" Poor guy, he must have been really disappointed to learn that these two young, ripe, pretty hookers were only a couple of 16-year-old schoolkids out looking for a laugh. We were lucky he didn't do anything but take us to where we'd asked to go.

Lucky me, yes, lucky lucky me. I should have been dead or worse. Well, it actually did get worse, a whole lot worse, but not that particular night. That was early days, and we still have far to go.

But for now, I must sleep, dear reader, and if I probe any deeper at this inflamed, pus- dripping part of my memory tonight, sleep will evade me. So maybe tomorrow. Maybe.