*sigh*

I'm not obsessing about J. anymore. Thank the gods, that desire has passed.

I'm not in the clear, though. Despite what I said a while back about the relationship between M. and I becoming stale, I am now in full obsession mode over M. again.

I think he would be surprised if he knew. I think he loves me because I allow him absolute freedom from commitment. I think he would lose interest in me quickly if he knew I wanted him to devote more of his emotional resorces to me.

I'm using a "spy tool" which allows me to see that M is currently online, using "invisible" mode, on IM. I'm not going to message him, of course, because I don't want him to know I'm spying. But it kills me that he's been invisible for the past two hours and has not even said hello.

I hate it when a love interest causes me to regress to the age of 15 mentally. I hate that I'm feeling this way about M. yet again, when I've already been through it three times in the last five years.

I just need someone to love me as much as I love them. Is that so wrong, really?

Answer

If it takes my whole life
I won't break, I won't bend
It will all be worth it
Worth it in the end
'Cos I can only tell you what I know
That I need you in my life
When the stars have all burned out
You'll still be burning so bright

Cast me gently
Into morning
For the night has been unkind
-Sarah McLachlan